Gok Wan

Gok Wan is not someone to whom I am instantly drawn with great affection. But I have learned two lessons from him (as well as lots of ways to dress better and how to look good naked if I ever have a sex change).

Firstly, the value of valuing people for who they are, rather than who they try to be. The women on his show seem to really trust him. He listens to them, asks counselling questions and tries to encourage them to engage with their self-identity in interesting ways. He suggests a holistic approach to feeling better about oneself – dress, diet, exercise, self-worth and all the rest; and constantly slags off cosmetic surgery – the ultimate in easy non-solutions to the real problems, which are addressed only from within. I think he is a model for how men can be in relation to women.

Secondly, he taught me to not judge a book by its cover. I saw him and instantly made huge judgements about the person that he was, only to be embarrassed and put wrong later when his sensitivity, warmth, hospitality and welcome to potentially vulnerable people shone through in his programme (which I now watch religiously).

Not very theological in one sense, but perhaps these distinctions are always more difficult than we may claim – I think Gok Wan is doing the work of God: valuing women who feel oppressed by male expectation and suppression, and encouraging them to develop ways of valuing themselves. Loving oneself is such an important part of being at peace with all things, and I apologise for my judgmentalism, and seek to learn from his example.