Tom Hogan and St Francis of Assissi

Yesterday I met a man named Tom. He is homeless, and is 17. He has been homeless for six months and has sold The Big Issue for the last 15 weeks. He was kicked out of his house by his mum’s boyfriend after he finished school. He sleeps on night trains (in the first class section, to that he can charge his phone). Regularly he gets mugged for his Big Issues ‘by crackheads’, and last week he had his coat stolen – but someone gave him another one. I find it deeply disturbing that a bright, socially-ept and genuinely interesting 17-year old could be in his situation. Homelessness is a genuine evil, and when it happens to someone so young you can help wondering whether Tom has been given a life sentence.

When I bumped into Tom yesterday he was selling at Clapham Junction. I was on my way to a friend’s house, and decided to have a chat with him. Went to a coffee shop and had something to drink, which was great. I now have his mobile number, and will see him again. A few things hit me:

1. That Tom is just like most 17-year olds. He saved up for 5 days to buy a mobile phone (earlier that week). He played me the songs that he had on it (downloaded from an internet café), and sang along while dancing in his chair. He MCs, and spat some lyrics over the beats. He really likes drinking Guinness and gets annoyed when people think he shouldn’t because he’s homeless – he’s as entitled as anyone to a drink. He thinks that most people don’t understand him, or think he’s got ‘Joe Cunt’ written on his face – actually, his name is Tom Hogan and he certainly isn’t one of those. He had a girlfriend who he wants to get back. He longs for the days at school when he had no problem picking up girls, and mourns his homelessness because no girls are going to fall for that. He loves music (which is ‘his life’). He hears that Jamie Oliver is opening a ‘Fifteen’ near Clapham Junction, and really wants to get a job there – he doesn’t mind if it’s just washing the dishes, but he’s always fancied being a chef. If he got a job, of course, he could get a house, and everything would be alright. Tom is just like any 17-year old – he hopes the same things for the future, and likes doing some of the same things for fun.
2. When I met Tom, I had had a pretty garbage day. A few things had happened and was feeling pretty rough. Shane Claiborne talks about Jesus’ command never being to give to the poor, but being to become poor yourself. Without glorifying poverty, I think this is right – there is something of immense healing power in giving of ourselves, rather than taking. A lot of people seem to regard Church as an opportunity to receive lots of spiritual wisdom, self-help books as a way of cultivating a sense of worth and value for oneself, and of learning to feel better about yourself. Yesterday I bought Tom a drink, a sandwich and some cake. But I also offered him my time, my experience, my ears and my words – these things are invaluable. But giving of oneself is not one-way traffic, for our meeting changed me beyond belief. Quite how is difficult to say, but it did and that is a good thing. I wonder if Church might be somewhere where we learn to give of ourselves, rather than somewhere from which we take whatever is offered.
3. St Francis of Assissi talks about receiving as we give, not as we seek to gather more for ourselves. I was in Francis House at school, and have always had rather a lot of time for the 13th Century nature mystic whose prayers have become engrained on the hearts of most Catholic schoolchildren. I find his most famous prayer deeply engaging, and one that, when placed within the context of my experience with Tom yesterday, speaks volumes about how I think Theology works. The interplay of past and present, of experience and reason, of tradition and not-yet tradition makes for a wonderfully rich means of engaging with life – the good bits and the bad. It is something that informs and directs my experience of the world, never knowing the answers or even the questions. It frames the actions that I take and the instincts that I cultivate, and makes like interesting beyond belief.

So here it is:

Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.

O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled as to console,
To be understood as to understand,
To be loved as to love;

For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
It is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Come and See

At church today I heard a familiar reading from John 1, in which Jesus meets Nathaniel. Nathaniel starts by questioning Jesus, and whether anything good can come out of Naxareth. Jesus’ reply is simple: come and see.

The passage ends with a reference to angels ‘ascending and descending upon the Son of Man’. This, of course, is a reference to Jacob’s ladder, which appears when Jacob is resting at night on the way to Haran. (Also, Nathaniel regarding Jesus as an ‘Israelite’ is surely a further reference to Jacob). A couple of things are to be noted here:

• Haran, wherever it was, was not in Israel
• Jacob names the placed ‘Bethel’ (ie, ‘house of God’)

I wonder if Jesus’ reference to the angels going up and down might have another thematic connection to the Genesis text.

Firstly both Haran, as somewhere outside of Israel, and Nazareth are regarded as inappropriate places for good, godly, things to come from, such that both offer a surprise when something positive is to be regarded.

Secondly, both Jacob and Nathaniel respond to this with a recognition that God may indeed be found in surprising places: Jacob notes that ‘surely the Lord is in this place, and I did not know it’; Nathaniel with a rousing ‘Rabbi, you are the Son of God! You are thee King of Israel’ after his initial doubt.

So drawing these together, an unsuspected location for divine appearance, coupled with initial scepticism, is met with surprise when a positive result ensues. As a result, these original views are changed.

What really fascinates me in this story, though, is what Philip (who first met Nathaniel) says in order to instigate Nathaniel’s engagement with Christ: ‘Come and see’. That is, come and see whether anything good can come out of Nazareth. Not ‘here is a good argument about why something good might come from Nazareth’; not ‘how silly of you to ask such a question’; not anything other than a simple call – go and have a look for yourself.

Experience and reason are critical in the way I regard Theology. I shouldn’t have to believe something that every ounce of good sense that I have tells me is incorrect, and shouldn’t regard life as a competition between religious and secular explanations f everything. Also, particularly on the grounds of ethics, I think we can learn a huge amount from experience first hand. I wish fewer people would decide that abortion, homosexuality, women bishops and the like without talking to people who live with these issues every day, without listening to the experiences of someone who has had an abortion or a civil partnership. Sometimes it is only when we go and see things for ourselves that we see God in them.

Sad News

I got some bad news today. A wonderful woman, who was out cleaner for many years, died in a car crash last week. She was from Newcastle, and moved to Buxton to move in with her partner, who subsequently got rid of her. She has two grown-up children and a grandchild who she would talk about a great deal.

I didn’t know much about Janice’s life history, but I suspect that it was a rather familiar story of a working-class girl from the north growing up, having children early, and never losing both her passion for life, and her desire to make the best she could of her life. One of the many tragedies of this story is that learning to drive was a key turning-point for her, which gave her independence and empowered her. She had passed her test only a few months earlier, and I remember her enthusiastically telling me about her driving lessons – she lent me her driving theory DVD to encourage me to learn.

Life is a fragile thing, and can be gone in an instant. At least twice a day I (and most who live in London) stand feet away from an electrical line that would kill us instantly, and that has little by way of protection. I find this thought rather difficult, and also quite empowering – through the death of others we may learn the joy of simply being alive, of meeting people, and having thoughts, hopes and loves. Sometimes it takes this to get out of our emotional inertia of doing things all the time, without taking stock of life’s joys – and sorrows – that make out existence such an incredible thing.

I have never lost anyone that I was really close to, and don’t look forward to the day when it will arrive. I think one must meet death with two things: firstly, acceptance that death is part of life’s rich circle and is nothing personal – no God decided your number was up, or could have prevented death if only someone had prayed harder; and secondly, almost uncritical optimism and affirmation of life with all of its high and low points – experiencing the death of someone may encourage us towards a reflexive sensitivity, that affirms and seeks to enhance all that works for life, and to challenge that which diminishes it. The fact of simply being is hard to talk about, but I think it’s something that the death of someone might be able to enhance. Perhaps this, then, is life after death – that the gusto with which Janice lived life, the aspirations she had, the faith she had in the goodness of people may perpetually exist in those that know her through memory, and the grief felt by those in mourning be brought together into the unified oneness of being, whatever being is.

So Janice, rest in peace. And may your kinds words, thoughtful acts, generous spirit and hope for the future continue to inspire us all.